Rubbed The Wrong Way - RMT Pet Peeves

How's the pressure?
Drawing by Claude Serre

A massage can be an incredibly wonderful experience. It could also be an experience that would turn you off of the entire form of therapy for good. No doubt I love a good massage; I receive them regularly - one of the perks of being in the biz - and every massage I get is a major learning experience and good reminder of how it feels to be on the table and not working next to it.

Let this blog post inspire you to speak up for what it is you want out of your treatment if you are not receiving it. Sounds like good practice for all sorts of situations in life, doesn't it?

Things massage therapists do that drive me crazy:

• Talk too much when I've not prompted them to do so. Sometimes I like to chat, sometimes I don't. Please follow my cues. If my eyes are closed and I respond to your queries in mere nods or grunts, take that as a signal that I'm not into chatting.
• Assume that they know exactly what I am feeling. I'm the only person experiencing my body; please don't assume that my body is the same as yours or anyone else's. We've all been on both sides of this type of communication at one time or another, but let's remember that it really sucks to be treated this way. 
• Wrong pressure. I've had a lot of massages from all sorts of people; many were fabulous, some were mediocre, and a select few were absolutely awful. Thank goodness the terrible ones are few and far between. One massage that falls into the awful category was so painful that even when I asked them to lessen the pressure because I was gasping for air and couldn't breathe calmly, they didn't and instead chuckled masochistically while I writhed on the table. Another treatment felt like they were afraid to touch me; their touch was imperceptibly light on my body. That treatment left me feeling more irritated than when I arrived after not being able to find parking. All practitioners have their own methods for tapping into their client's bodies but if it is irritatingly light or infuriatingly painful the positive experience is lost. It takes a bit of bravery to speak up and ask for what you want. Massage providers, please be receptive to this feedback.
• Don't explain their rationale for treating the way they are. Ummm, excuse me, why are you treating my butt when I clearly asked for a neck treatment? Believe me, I understand that the body is a very complex system, and sometimes a practitioner must treat peripheral areas in order to restore balance to the area of concern, but please be sure that I understand this before you begin treating areas that I didn't consent to. This is known as Informed Consent. Don't forget about the informed part.
• Answer my questions when they clearly have no clue what to say. My respect for a person's knowledge grows when they have the ability to admit they don't know the answer. Saying that you don't know is actually really, really smart.
• Talk about themselves when I didn't ask them to. Pardon moi, but haven't I hired you to think about me for 60 minutes? A huge part of receiving a massage is fulfilling the need to be nurtured. This is lost when you are telling me about the pants you recently bought on sale.
• Have scratchy hands or fingernails. I've had a massage where through the entire treatment I was unable to fully relax because I was anticipating when their snaggy finger nail would turn and scratch me again. I wouldn't be offended if my client informed me that I had a hang nail that was scratching them. I always have a file, I can fix the problem in seconds, please don't suffer through the entire treatment enduring it like I did!
• Use too much oil. I especially despise excess oil in my hair, especially if I am planning to do things after my massage. I make plenty of sebum on my own, I don't need your scented massage oil to help, thanks.
• Employ sketchy sheet draping techniques.  I'm not overly concerned with maintaining my physical modestly. After all, we are all naked under our clothes. I've even been known to lounge at clothing-optional beaches so I am comfortable in the buff beneath the massage table sheets - usually. But there is something about unpredictable or inconsistent draping that makes my skin crawl. It's almost like it would be better if there were no sheets at all, then at least I'd know what we were dealing with boundary-wise.

Remember, it is perfectly acceptable to kindly ask your massage therapist to modify the way they are providing treatment. I would like to think that they will receive the feedback graciously and will be happy to make your treatment as comfortable as possible. After all, it's your time.

Do you have anything to add to the list?

See you in the clinic,
Dana